botchok

Over You

2008-07-12T13:46:00.006+08:00

Over You
(Chris Daughtry)

Now that it's all said and done
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up then tear me down
Like an old abadoned house
And what you said when you left
Just left me cold and and out of breath
I fell too far, was in way too deep
Guess I let you get the best of me

Well I never saw it coming
I should've started running
A long long time ago
And I never thought to doubt you
I'm better off without you
More than you, More than you know
I'm slowly getting closure
I guess it's really over
I'm finally getting better
Now I'm picking up the pieces
And spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through
I got over you

You took a hammer to these walls
Dragged the memories down the hall
Packed your bags and walked away
There was nothing I could say
And when you slammed the front door shut
A lot of others opened up
So did my eyes, so I could see
That you never were the best for me

Well I never saw it coming
I should've started running
A long long time ago
And I never thought to doubt you
I'm better off without you
More than you, More than you know
I'm slowly getting closure
I guess it's really over
I'm finally getting better
Now I'm picking up the pieces
And spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through
I got over you

I'm putting my heart back together
'Cause I got over you
I got over you
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through
I got over you

funny human beings

2006-11-29T15:04:00.000+08:00

THE FUNNY THING ABOUT HUMAN BEINGS*

A man asked my friend Jaime Cohen: "What is the human being's funniest characteristics?"

Cohen said: "Our contradictoriness. We are in such a hurry to grow up, and then we long for our lost childhood. We make ourselves ill earning money, and then we spend all our money on getting well again. We think so much about the future that we neglect the present, and thus experience neither the present nor the future. We live as if we were never going to die, and die as if we had never lived."

=================================================

True.

(*Excerpt from Like the Flowing River by Paulo Coelho)

seeds of success

2006-10-25T11:59:00.000+08:00

God, I thank you for this day.

I know I have not accomplished as yet all you expect of me and if that is your reason for bathing me in the fresh dew of another dawn, I am most grateful.

I am prepared, at last, to make you proud of me.

I will forget yesterday, with all its trials into tribulations, aggravations and setbacks, angers and frustrations. The past is already a dream from which I can neither retrieve a single word nor erase any foolish deeds.

I will resolve, however, that if I have injured anyone yesterday through my thoughtlessness, I will not let this day's sun set before I make amends, and nothing I do today will be of greater importance.

I will not fret the future. My success and happiness does not depend on straining to see what lurks dimly on the horizon but to do, this day, what lies clearly ahead.

I will treasure this day, for it is all I have. I know that its rushing hours cannot be accumulated or stored, like precious grain, for future use.

I will live as all good actors do when they are onstage - only in the moment. I cannot perform at my best today by regretting my previous act's mistakes or worrying about the scene to come.

I will embrace today's difficult tasks, take off my coat, and make dust in the world. I will remember that the busier I am, the less harm I am apt to suffer, the tastier will be my food, the sweeter my sleep, and the better satisfied I will be with my place in the world.

I will free myself today from slavery to the clock and calendar. Although I will plan this day in order to conserve my steps and energy, I will begin to measure my life in deeds, not years; in thoughts, not seasons; in feelings, not figures on a dial.

I will remain aware of how little it takes to make this a happy day. Never will I pursue happiness, because it is not a goal, just a by-product, and there is no happiness in having or in getting, only in giving.

I will run from no danger I might encounter today, because I am certain that nothing will happen to me that I am not equipped to handle with your help. Just as any gem is polished by friction, I am certain to become more valuable through this day's adversities, and if you close one door, you always open another for me.

I will live this day as if it were Christmas. I will be a giver of gifts and deliver to my enemies the gift of forgiveness; my opponents, tolerance; my friends, a smile; my children, a good example, and every gift will be wrapped with unconditional love.

I will waste not even a precious second today in anger or hate or jealousy or selfishness. I know that the seeds I sow I will harvest, because every action, good or bad, is always followed by an equal reaction. I will plant only good seeds this day.

I will treat today as a priceless violin. One may draw harmony from it and another, discord, yet no one will blame the instrument. Life is the same, and if I play it correctly, it will give forth beauty, but if I play it ignorantly, it will produce ugliness.

I will condition myself to look on every problem I encounter today as no more than a pebble in my shoe. I remember the pain, so harsh I could hardly walk, and recall my surprise when I removed my shoe and found only a grain of sand.

I will work convinced that nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. To do anything today that is truly worth doing, I must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in with gusto and scramble through as well as I can.

I will face the world with goals set for this day, but they will be attainable ones, not the vague, impossible variety declared by those who make a career of failure. I realize that you always try me with a little, first, to see what I would do with a lot.

I will never hide my talents. If I am silent, I am forgotten, if I do not advance, I will fall back. If I walk away from a challenge today, my self-esteem will be forever scarred, and if I cease to grow, even a little, I will become smaller. I reject the stationary position because it is always the beginning of the end.

I will keep a smile on my face and in my heart even when it hurts today. I know that the world is a looking glass and gives back to me the reflection of my own soul. Now I understand the secret of correcting the attitude of others and that is to correct my own.

I will turn away from temptation today that might cause me to break my word or lose my self-respect. I am positive that the only thing I possess more valuable than my life is my honor.

I will work this day with all my strength, content in the knowledge that life does not consist of wallowing in the past or peering anxiously at the future. It is appalling to contemplate the great number of painful steps by which one arrives at atruth so old, so obvious, and so frequently expressed. Whatever it offers, little or much, my life is now.

I will pause whenever I am feeling sorry for myself today, and remember that this is the only day I have and I must play it to the fullest. What my part may signify in the great whole, I may not recognize, but I am here to play it and now is the time.

I will count this day a separate life. I will remember that those who have fewest regrets are those who take each moment as it comes for all it is worth.

This is my day!

These are my seeds.

Thank you, God, for the precious garden of time.

(written by og mandino.. handed by my exceptional english teacher in high school.. May God bless his soul..)

mumu*

2006-07-12T00:01:00.000+08:00

dear reader,

may tanong sana ako tungkol sa mga multo/mumu.. aminado ako, matatakutin ako pagdating dyan.. lalo na pagsapit ng dilim, kung ano ano naiimagine ko -- na may nakatayo sa dulong pinto; na kapag nakatalikod ako, may nagmamasid sa kin; na kapag natutulog ako, may nakatayo sa tabi ng kama ko.. na may hihigit sa paa ko kapag lumampas sa kama.. ganyan, mga typical scenes sa movies.. matapang ako manuod, duwag ako in real life.. =p

nun bata pa ko, ang sabi kase (at kakapanuod ng "Pinoy Thriller", "Halimaw sa Banga" at "Magandang Gabi, Bayan!" tuwing Nov. 1.. hehe), nagpaparamdam lang naman daw sila kapag may gusto ipahiwatig.. kaya dapat daw kausapin at alamin kung ano hiling nila.. usually, humihiling daw ng dasal para maging mapayapa yun mumu..

pero weirdo kase kukote ko pagdating sa mga mumu.. mas heightened senses ko kapag nasa pinas.. pero kapag out of the country ako for a project assignment, "nde ako gaano" natatakot.. ang takbo kase ng utak ko -- di din kami magkakaintindihan ng local na mumu kung kausapin ko**.. baket?!?.. kase iniisip ko, pano ko sya kakausapin? sa language nila, english, o tagalog?

ang tanong ko po.. kapag napunta ka ba sa ibang bansa, kung ano local language, yun lang maiintindihan ng mumu? or kapag mumu na, may super powers makaintindi ng different languages (cool to!.. hehe)? ano po sa tingin mo? =)

from,

botchok

(* pasensya na sa topic.. magisa ako sa flat eh, mumu pumasok sa isip ko kagabi.. =p

** epektib thinking to! nababawasan takot ko.. =p)

salam alaikum!

2006-07-09T21:05:00.000+08:00

im back!.. greetings from Africa.. Africa?!?.. yup, you read that right.. san sa Africa? may forest ba dyan? may animals? uy, safari!!!.. hehehe.. yan ang mga usual na tanong/reaction ng sangkatauhan kapag naririnig kung asan lupalop ako ng mundo.. eto po ang kwento ko.. =)

Khartoum, Sudan
- Sudan!?? yan ba yun palaging nasa news?!?.. yun magulo?!.. oo, eto yun!.. sikat ang bansang ito, nde dahil sa safari, kung nde dahil sa mga rebels sa Darfur region.. kung tutuusin delikado dito, pero nadadala pa naman sa dasal.. hehe.. =p

Hot! Hot! Hot!
- "How's the place, chuy?".. isa syang malaking frying pan!.. yan ang una kong naisip na description ng tanungin ako.. suuuupeeer init!.. kung sa pinas, nagrereklamo ang mga tao kapag mainit (usually 28-32°C), pano pa kaya kung 40-45°C!!!.. imagine that!.. first few wks ko, kamot dito, kamot dyan.. kase yun init, masakit sa balat.. soobrang dry.. nagka-rashes tuloy ako.. sana nga umulan na lang ng lotion.. =p

Trick or Treat!
- delicacy nila dito ang espasol at pulburon.. huh? meron dyan espasol at pulburon?!.. meron!!.. pagdating mo sa opisina, mararamdaman mo na parang espasol mukha mo sa sobrang alikabok.. at kung ikaw yun tipong chikador, mabubusog ka sa pulburon.. dahil malulunok mo na lahat ng alikabok sa paligid.. yan ang treat!.. soooobrang alikabok dito.. halos kulay brown na ang paligid.. ano ang trick?! wala! walang trick.. di mo matatakasan ang alikabok.. kahit sa loob ng bahay, pumapasok.. =p

Menu, please!
- may freebies naman kaming nakukuha dito.. pakain kami ng client, lunch & dinner.. swerte di ba?.. so, what's for lunch? -- beef cubes/fish fillet + bread + drinks.. ang saya!.. how about dinner?.. for dinner we have chicken + bread + drinks.. ok naman pala.. well, most likely kung peyborit mo yun food, soobrang swerte mo.. why?! kase that's our menu for EVERYDAY!.. hehe.. in fairness, nagbabago naman yun drinks at lalagyan.. =)

Hepatitis-C
- di ba may malaria at yellow fever dyan?.. hmm.. meron din.. sa awa ng Diyos, di kami tinatalaban.. hehe.. uso din ang hepa dito.. hepa?!? yup, hepa!.. may hepa ang tubig dito.. =D nun una di ko napapansin, tingin ko clear sya.. pero minsan maglaba ako sa puting washing machine, dun ko nakita na dilaw ang tubig.. kung tutuusin, malinis pa yan.. malas kapag kulay brown.. =D kaya pagdating sa paliligo, iba na lang iniimagine ko, para di ko maisip na madumi din pinapaligo ko.. =)

Top Up!
- uso naman cellphone dito, nde lang nga ganun ka-OK yun telecomms.. nde ko din alam kung may pre-paid sila.. ang tinutukoy ko na pre-paid ay yun kuryente nila.. pre-paid na kuryente?!?.. yup yup!.. astig noh?!?.. kaya pwede imonitor ang konsumo sa kuryente.. kaya if ever biglang magbrownout, isa lang ibig sabihin nun -- ubos na load mo, pre!.. di pa yata uso ang pasa-load.. hehe.. =p

Tidbits
- yun amo namin dito, kakaiba!.. masungit!.. sya nagbibigay ng oras kung kelan ka uuwi, kesehodang tambak ang trabaho mo.. kapag sinabi nyang uwian na, uwi na!.. inconsiderate!.. bawal sya paghintayin.. kapag pinaghintay mo sya, ipapahiwatig nya ang galit nya sa pagdadabog.. bawal magreason-out.. bawal magsabi.. sobrang strict!.. ganyan ang amo namin dito.. tsk tsk.. ay teka, nasabi ko bang ang amo dito ay yun driver namin?!? walang sinabi ang project manager.. =p
- sand storms.. yup, nakita ko na.. pero mahina lang naman.. tipong sand storm signal #1!.. hehe.. kapag ganito, parang ghost town sa labas.. puro alikabok.. malabo ang palagid.. pagdating mo naman sa bahay, puro alikabok din kama mo.. haha!.. =D
- saturday - thursday ang working hours dito.. 5 hrs difference sa Manila
- black ang mga tao.. medyo questionable ang hygiene.. pero mababait sila..
- ang shampoo at sabon dito, nde masyado bumubula.. kapag naglaba ka or naligo, parang, wala lang.. hehe..

Welcome to Sudan, folks!.. =)

(some facts on Sudan: http://www.sudan.net/)

things a man should know

2005-07-08T19:39:00.000+08:00

i find women's magazine appealing but i find guy's magazine more intriguing & interesting.. somehow it's one way of peeking into a guy's world & mind..

for the lack of reading material in the hotel's lounge, i happen to chance upon a copy of Esquire magazine.. nothing special about it, just a fashion magazine like any other girl's mag.. added with articles about a famous guy, toys for the big boys (i.e. cars, gadgets).. but these arent the reasons why i kept reading more.. it's this column intended to make men know the things they should know (about women, etiquette, money, sex, marriage, etc).. cited with truthfulness, presented with wit, composed by some of the well-known women in the entertainment industry..

here's a few to stimulate your curiousity..
=======================================================

-->> things a man should know (about women) <<--
- One follow-up to an unreturned phone call is acceptable; two is stalking.

- Dont kiss and tell, even if you're really proud of yourself.

- With the exception of Bill Clinton, we think nothing's hotter than a man who's honest.

- Love does not mean never having to say you're sorry. It means having to say you're sorry over and over again, in new & different ways, every day, every week, every month, even when you dont want to, every year, until God grants you His mercy and you finally, blissfully, die. (over naman 'to)

- Women who have two or more brothers are less likely to be disgusted by you.

- Women can tell if a man is the kind of man who likes women.

- If you ask about her previous boyfriend & she gets a small, wistful smile on her face, change the subject. (buti pa nga.. baka tamaan ang ego nyo)

- Never let her arrive at an event alone.

- Her job is just as important as yours.

- If she works out, compliment her muscles.

- When asked if she looks fat, even if it's the one thousandth time, you must always at the ready with an immediate, confident "Of course you dont look fat!".

- No, you were not looking at the other woman. (common excuse!)

- Only acceptable pickup line: "Hi, my name is [your real name]. What's yours?"

- More than anything else, women want you to make them laugh. (i agree!)

- Women are less excited about sleeping with another woman for your viewing pleasure than you are. (the feeling is mutual, kapag kayo with another guy)

- In fact, we would be interested in a threesome. The kind with two guys -- you and Brad Pitt. And you wait outside. (haha!)

- Wishful thinking is bad for your relationship.

- Avoid a woman who competes with her mother or her sister. Embrace a woman who is best friends with either.

- Women dislike men who are liars. ('nuff said)

- No matter how furtive or quick the glance, a woman always knows when you're looking at her breasts. (may built-in sensor kami.. hehe)

- Contrary to popular belief, an out-of-shape man is just as unappealing to a woman as an out-of-shape woman is to a man.

- It's pointless to argue with her if you're not going to win. You're not going to win. (kaya, ziiip it!)

- A good woman is as excited about a gift that costs nothing as she is about a gift that costs a lot.

- Women have to pay more for their haircuts, dry cleaning, & shoes, and this upsets them.

- Women have to buy new outfits, & this makes them happy. (money cant buy happiness, that's what shopping is for!)

- While yes sometimes means no, no always means no. (period!. wag na mamimilit)

- Women, much like men, are human, & thus appreciate it when you ask them questions about themselves. (it shouldnt always be about you)

- Never ask a woman why she's mad at you, as she will only get madder at your not knowing. (hehe)

- We've slept with guys way less attractive than you who didnt work half as hard as you did to get it. They were just more screwed up than you. It's called sympathy f--k. (doesnt apply to all girls)

- Guy with dog: cute. Guy rolling around making an ass of himself with dog: irresistable.

- When in doubt, give us a gift certificate to a spa. When you're sure, give us a diamond ring. (aaaww)

(www.esquire.com/women)

a better cause

2005-07-03T23:24:00.000+08:00

last night until wee hours in the morning, i was watching this LIVE 8 CONCERT.. an emotional event which is held in 8 countries around the world, screaming in one voice --- to make poverty history.. big stars, great performers & millions of people took part in this concert.. it would have been one hell of an experience if i were really in one of those venues (uk, usa, germany, italy, russia, japan, germany, canada)..

this subject really caught my attention & awareness.. when i woke up this afternoon, i was tuned in MTV Europe.. the program is airing a documentary presented by Chris Martin of Coldplay.. he witnessed a first hand experience (in Ghana) of how poverty-stricken Africa is.. hair-raising scenes were unfolded in front of me.. children with no home, no food, no family are dying.. some as young as four are already working hard (harder than i am) just to live.. i've seen worse cases of poverty back home but never been as worst as what i've seen today..

the aim of this event is to ask for support, not money.. to put pressure on these 8 people from the richest countries around the world who will attend the G8 Summit this week.. organizers laid what they want to these rich people to consider: trade justice, debt cancellation, more & better aid.. all these for the people of Africa whose mortality declines fast (in their campaign ad it says, in three seconds a child dies of poverty).. i do understand that these 8 powerful leaders have their own problems in their own worlds but i think with their richness, giving in wouldn't hurt them a bit.. i admire Sir Bob Geldof, organizer of this historical event for his compassionate effort to make a difference..

as a closing part to this post, i would like to ask a favor from you, my guest to offer your support on this humanitarian project.. in our own little way, let's try to make a difference..

to support, please click on the campaign ad (make poverty history 2005) on the side bar..

("if someone asks a favor of me, it means i still have a good use on this earth" - fifth mountain, paulo coelho)

word for the day

2005-06-20T15:32:00.000+08:00

word for the day:
Jackologist*

my meaning:
a specialist who studies the behavioral pattern and evolution of Jacko (physiognomy).

your meaning: ???
kahit anong meaning pwede.. kayo na bahala maging creative.. haha!.. =D

(*galing sa "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" sa CNN)

baket?!?

2005-06-09T00:11:00.000+08:00

- baket kung kelan may dalang payong saka nde umuulan at kung kelan nde dala saka umuulan?!?

sya: umuulan!

ikaw: *yamot*.. siyet! kung kelan di ko dala payong ko saka naman umulan!

- baket kung kelan meron pambili ng gustong damit/sapatos saka walang stock/size at kung kelan walang pambili saka naman meron?!?

- baket kung kelan may pasa na masakit saka pipindutin ng tao at sabay tatanungin kung masakit?!?

sya: ay may pasa ka (turo, sabay pindot).. masakit?

ikaw: *tiger look*

- baket kapag naisip yun ayaw mangyari saka nangyayari at kapag inisip yun gusto mangyari saka nde nangyayari?!?

- baket kung kelan nde sasakay saka dumadaan yun mga sasakyan at kung kelan sasakay na saka nde dumadaan?!?

sya: eto dadaan ba to?

ikaw: nde yan.. yun kagaya nun mga dumadaan kanina ang pwede..

- baket kapag nalaman ng tao na mabaho isang bagay kelangan pa ipaamoy sa iba?!?

sya: langya! ang baho nito!.. amuyin mo..

ikaw: *tiger look*

- baket kapag may pagkain ibang tao masarap makikain pero kapag ikaw na bumili nde na masarap?!?

sya: *kumakain*.. sarap talaga nito.. di ba bumili ka din?

ikaw: *nakikikain*.. yup, andun di ko pa nakakain..

- baket kapag sa tingin ng tao sira na isang pagkain kelangan pa ipatikim sa iba?!?

sya: hmm.. sira na to.. tikman mo..

ikaw: *tiger look*

- baket kapag may nakitang nagtatanggal ng muta saka magtatanggal ng sariling muta?!?

sya: *nagtanggal ng muta*

ikaw: *gaya gaya.. tanggal din ng muta*.. meron pa ba?

- baket sa sinehan kahit alam na nakakagulat yun scene, nagugulat pa din?!?

sya: nyee.. mukhang nakakagulat tong scene na to..

ikaw: oo nga..

*tapos sabay pa nagulat*

- baket kapag kelangan ang isang bagay saka nawawala at kapag di kelangan saka nakikita?!?

ikaw: andito lang yun.. di ba nakita mo din yun dito?

sya: oo, nun isang araw pakalat kalat yun..

- baket kapag tumanda saka nagpapabata at kung kelan bata saka nagpapamature effect?!?

(marami pang tanong na "baket" sa mundo.. sadyang maloko ang tadhana.. pati ang ibang tao.. hehe.. =P)

things i've learned

2005-06-07T23:45:00.000+08:00

ano ba so far ang mga natutunan ko sa stay ko dito sa praha?!?... eto ang ilan sa mga naaalala ko:

- kumain ng lamb, turkey at peking duck..
- uminom ng soft drinks..
- ma-addict sa kitkat at lion chocolates..
- kumain ng masarap na curry (nde yun mabuhangin sa dila!)
- uminom ng vodka, nde lang tequila (tweetums = vodka + orange)
- uminom magisa (pero libre)
- matulog ng matagal, magyosi ng todo, manuod ng tv maghapon (isang buong araw lang lahat!.. in short, buhay batugan!)
- maglaba araw araw (oo, sayang sa sabon at downy!)
- uminom ng 1-1½ litre(s) ng tubig sa isang araw..
- kumain ng yoghurt (libre din)
- magtanggal ng puting buhok mag-isa (mahirap to! lalo na yun sa parteng likod at ilalim ng ulo!)
- tumawa magisa habang nanunuod ng comedy sa tv (yun may sound na tawa pero nde halakhak)
- makipagtxt ng matagal (na may yosi) "habang nakaupo sa trono"
- magpaantok sa panunuod ng mga sasakyan sa kalye at mga makukulay na ilaw sa mga buildings (mas mayaman pa din sa kuryente ang makati!)
- magtsani ng kilay (yun mga sobra lang daw ang tanggalin sabi ng badingers)
- makinig ng "anomalya" sa katabing kwarto sa gabi (ok na pampatulog to.. haha!)
- magpicture ng sunset kapag naabutan (at ng sarili kung nde maabutan)
- na sa initan ng tubig ay pwedeng magsaing ng kanin, magluto ng pancit canton at syempre, maginit ng tubig (nde naman sinabing bawal eh!)
- mangurakot ng wine sa hotel dahil libre at gawing pasalubong (tipid!)
- manuod ng japanese, chinese, indian at czech documentaries, talk shows at kung "ano ano" pa kahit di maintindihan.. (bahala na kayo sa kung "ano ano" pa.. hehe)
- magbabad sa discovery channel at cnn..
- gumamit ng lotion na may omega pain killer (sarap pangmasahe!)
- magpapalit ng per diem magisa habang kabado sa mga mandurukot..
- magsimba tuwing linggo kahit bangenge pa sa antok..
- manilip sa metro/tram/bus (haha!.. kakatuwa to!)
- magblog!

(pahabol: ikunot ang noo at maginarteng galit or mainit ang ulo kapag magisa sa metro at may kasakay na mga lasing para nde maharass.. kase siguradong mapapansin dahil "different monkey")

avid fan

2005-05-26T17:41:00.000+08:00

a tribute to my avid fan.. itago na lang "daw" natin sya sa pangalang "DODONG" (peyborit character nya yata sa xerex).. =P

sabi ni dodong, avid fan ko daw sya (engeng! naniwala ka naman!).. constant chatmate ko yan.. masarap kausap, never fails to make me laugh/smile/smirk.. every word na sabihin ko, may katumbas na kalaswaan sa kanya.. pero dont get me wrong, nde sya bastos, ~~malibog~~ makulet lang daw sya!.. it didnt make me think less of him, pano he tried to convince me na halos lahat naman “daw” ng lalake ganyan.. mala attorney ang pagconvince para nde guilty as charged.. =)

si dodong pwedeng pang marketing, magaling ~~mambugaw~~ magbenta ng kahit ano.. kung nde sya papasang lawyer, pwedeng eto ang backup career nya.. pang “home tv shopping network” ang dating, na may tonong baklita.. makulet kase eh.. oops, di sya badinger ha, tunay na lalake yan (kelangan bawiin baka sabunutan ako)..

pagdating sa gimikan, pinakamalandi sa malandi ang avid fan ko.. hayuf kung gumiling!.. napakagaling sumayaw.. kung bakla ka, gugustuhin mo ~~pwet nya~~ makilala.. pero eto ang tip, bilhan mo lang ng drinks, solbs na yan!.. solbs na makipagchikahan, nde kung ano man (pa-hard to get yata ang loka!).. makulet si dodong, kaya halos lahat ng gimik nde boring.. lagi ka papatawanin or aalaskahin (bawal ang pikon!).. kapag tumumba ka naman sa pagkalasing (at nananapak ng pader sa ECP), paconcern effect naman sya.. aalagaan ka.. di ka iiwan..

totoong lalake si dodong, pero eto ang lalakeng napakahilig sa chismis.. chismoso, ika nga.. kahit bogus na chismis papatulan nyan.. makulet kase eh.. kung huli ka sa mga balita, tanong mo lang sya, sandamakmak masasabi nya.. nde ko lang sure kung bogus din sasabihin nya..

eto seryoso na, si dodong tunay na kaibigan.. palagi mo sya maasahan.. kung “downfall” (gfs, pahiram muna ng term) ka, pwede mo sya takbuhan.. makikinig sya sa mga problema mo at bibigyan ka nya ng ~~malalaswang~~ advice.. makakausap mo din sya ng seryoso at bibigyan linaw ang mga bagay na nagba-bother syo.. konting hirit, konting jokes, konting kulit, ok ka na.. sa tagal ng pinagsamahan namin, ganyan ang style nya..

yan si dodong, ang aking avid fan.. maasahan kahit san (wag sa pera).. maka Diyos.. maka ~~babae~~ tao.. nasabi ko na bang makulet sya?!?..

(dodong, maraming salamat sa walang sawang pagsuporta mo.. hehe)

daily expressions

2005-05-19T16:29:00.000+08:00

langya (ka)!.. di nga?!?.. gaguh!.. siraulo!.. tado!.. ulol!.. (a)nak ng tinapa!.. punyemas!.. lekat!.. uy!.. bwakangina!.. (a)nak ng tinapa!.. kolokoy!.. siomaigulay!.. ahh, leche!.. pre.. ay-yay-yay!.. naknampucha!.. mokong!.. puteek!.. pucha!.. (a)nak ng tokwa!.. gagah!.. baliw!.. gagih!.. pakingshet!.. kups!.. eng eng!.. mukha mo!.. chuy!.. kumag!.. ekek!.. wushu!.. oi!.. eklat!.. siyeeet (na malagkit)!.. tangnang yan!.. bullshit!.. ows?!?..

kung may narinig pa kayo sa kin na nde nasama dito, comment lang.. =D

(expressions lang, walang personalan.. kaya wag damdamin kapag narinig sa kin.. ang delivery, may lambing palagi.. lalo na yun may "h" sa dulo.. hehe) --> palusot!..

matang dilat

2005-05-19T00:02:00.000+08:00

punyemas!.. palagi na lang akong inaatake ng insomnia*.. sabihin na natin na sanay na ko pagising gising kapag natutulog sa gabi.. high school ko pa naging sakit eto.. dala yata ng pag-aaral sa madaling araw ng mga panahon na yun.. (kaya mga bata, wag na kayo mag-aral, magkakasakit lang kayo! haha).. sanay na kong bisitahin ng sakit na to.. pero lekat!.. ang nde ako sanay eh kung anong oras sya aatake.. dati rati 4 ng umaga ako dinadalaw.. consistent yun.. matulog man ako ng maaga or late, magigising talaga ko ng alas kwatro.. pero nagbago na ang visitation hours ng kolokoy.. ngayon mas pinaaga ang dalaw.. 3 ng umaga!.. naknampucha!.. kesehodang pagod na pagod ako sa trabaho, walang konsiderasyon ang kumag!.. dadating talaga na dilat ang aking mga mata pagpatak ng alas tres ng umaga.. pilitin ko man matulog ulit, nde na kaya.. hanggang sa mararamdaman ko na lang na umaga na at kelangan ng iwan ang kama..

sabi nila may gamot naman daw.. valuum, tranquilizer, melatonin.. mga gamot pampatulog.. pero ni nde ko binalak na uminom nyan.. di ko kase alam baka may side effect at baka addictive.. mahirap na baka maging dependent.. maswerte lang ako kase yun katawan ko makatulog lang ng 4-6 na oras, ganado na.. (kapag natulog ako ng lagpas 6 hours, lalo akong antukin!.. abnormal! haha).. ang problema ko lang, isa akong anemic*!.. nde naman malala.. pero naisip ko lang baka lumala dahil sa insomnia.. lalo ako magkukulang sa dugo dahil nde ako nakakatulog ng maayos.. at opo ate, opo koya.. matigas ang ulo ko.. nde ako umiinom ng iron supplement.. di ko din alam kung baket.. praning!

anemic due to insomnia.. sagwa!.. halatang sakiting bata!..

(*in·som·ni·a - n. chronic inability to fall asleep or remain asleep for an adequate length of time.
*a·ne·mic - adj. relating to or suffering from anemia*
*a·ne·mia - n. a pathological deficiency in the oxygen-carrying component of the blood, measured in unit volume *&*$%^(%#!%$&~$#... -- > ano daw?!?.. punyemas!.. kulang sa dugo! yun lang yun!.. =P )

playmate

2005-05-04T02:20:00.000+08:00

oo na, medyo catchy ang title, pero nde yun ang nasa isip ko.. =P

kung nde ka mapasaya ng matatanda, humanap ng ibang playmate..
presenting.. my new playmate.. =D

butchay!

(if you're about to ask if she's mine, the answer is no... she's my niece)

minamalas

2005-04-26T00:29:00.000+08:00

sa daming beses na ko nagtravel, eto na yata pinakaworse ko..

Manila-Singapore
wala akong nakuhang aisle seat.. kung gano kahaba yun eroplano, dun ako sa hulihan nakaupo.. ok naman katabi ko, kaya pwede siguro matulog.. pero mukhang nde yata.. kase ang nanay sa unahan ko nagkwekwento ng buhay nya.. nde lang katabi nya nakikinig sa kanya, pati halos kalahati ng tao sa eroplano!.. hehehe..

6 na oras ang kelangan ko patayin para sa next flight ko.. nagikot ikot ako sa loob ng airport.. naghanap ako ng adaptor.. unang tindahan, meron.. pero baka may mas mura.. sa tagal ng inikot ko sa airport, sa unang tindahan pa din ako bumagsak.. kelangan ko din bumili ng earphone.. 2 shops pinuntahan ko.. san ako bumagsak?!? dun din sa tindahan na binilhan ko ng adaptor.. at bumili na din ako ng candy sa malapit na drugstore.. ganyan magpatay ng oras, pabalik balik sa pinupuntahan..

nagbakasakali akong may aisle seat pa.. pumunta ako kay lolo sa transfer desk para humingi ng number at magtanong sa counter..

LOLO: Yes?
ME: I need a number to inquire if there's still available aisle seat on this flight (pinakita ang boarding pass).
LOLO: Let me check. There's no more. Go!. Next!.

ang sunget ng lolo na yun! buti nde ako pumapatol sa matatanda.. at dahil sinugitan nya ko at masakit na din paa ko, tumambay ako sa waiting area nila (kung san naghihintay ang mga tao para tawagin number nila) at ginawa kong lounge.. haha.. kala nya ah!.. dito ako nagbasa, nagtxt, nanuod ng tao, nagbasa, nagtxt, tumayo, umupo.. hirap talaga magpatay ng oras..

sa sobrang inip ko, naisipan kong magtoothbrush.. pero bago ko nakabili ng toothbrush, napadaan ako sa isang bookstore.. nalaman ko na mahal pala books dito sa singapore.. kaya ang nabili ko, travel document holder.. dali dali ako naghanap ng tambayan at parang bata na kinalikot ang bagong laruan.. habang kumakain ng tinapay, inayos ko ang travel documents ko.. 3 klaseng arrangements ang nagawa ko... pero sa 1st arrangement pa din ako bumagsak.. hehehe.. ngayon kelangan ko na bumili ng toothbrush.. hanap ng mabibilhan.. san ako nakabili?!? sa drugstore na binilhan ko ng candy.. natatawa na nga sa kin yun kahera kase ilang beses na nya ko nakitang padaan daan.. ano magagawa ko, eh wala ako magawa!..

sa gate, nagmasid ako ng mga kasabay ko.. at may napansin akong kakaiba.. ang tindi ng lalakeng 'to! sa public nangungulangot.. as in dig deep!.. at dahil malaki syang tao, mataba din mga daliri nya!.. matinde!!!.. naisip ko na lang na sana nde sya katabi ko..

boarding na.. ok naman seat ko.. sa kanan, may katabi akong parang Indian na Aleman.. pero inisip ko na lang na Aleman.. at wala syang amoy.. ayos!.. mukhang wala din akong katabi sa kaliwa.. at sa kasamaang palad, dumating ang nakaupo sa kaliwa.. hayuf! minalas pa!.. si booger ang katabi ko!.. eeewww!!..

Singapore-Frankfurt
mukhang hobby talaga ni booger ang mangulangot, kase maya't maya nya ginagawa 'to.. gross!.. ayan, namimigay na ng mani ang stewardess.. at si booger, sarap na sarap sa mani, pano mukhang may kasama na yatang kulangot!.. ang baboy!.. sana naman sa dinner di sya ganyan.. sa dinner, coffee lang inorder nya.. at dahil sa sobrang gutom ako, sarap na sarap akong kumain.. ng biglang ayan na naman sya.. di pa sya natuwang bilugin, pinitik pitik pa nya ngayon!.. naknampucha!.. nawalan na ko ng gana, pano naisip ko baka may tumalsik na sa pagkain ko.. grr!.. babawiin ko na lang sa tulog..

pinatay na ang ilaw sa eroplano.. intay ng konting oras para antukin.. tulog na din mga katabi ko.. dinalaw na ko ng antok ng biglang -- si booger natutulog ng nakanganga! wala naman kaso sa kin kahit pano pa sya matulog, kahit nakadilat pa mata nya.. pero naknampucha! dahil sa bibig sya humihinga, naamoy ko ang panis na laway nya!.. pakengshet!.. gusto ko na nga isubo sa kanya yun foam ng earphone ko, para lang makatulog ako.. ayan! gumalaw sya!.. tinikom ulit ang bibig.. patulog na ko ng biglang lumindol sa eroplano.. pano yun tao sa likod ko sikip sa upuan nya at dahil sa gumalaw sya, tumatama sya sa upuan ko.. grr!.. sinubukan ko bumaling sa kanan.. pero ang Aleman natutulog ng bukas ang tv at ako ay hinde nakakatulog ng maliwanag!.. isa pang pakengshet!.. pinilit ko pa din matulog, inantok na ko.. bigla naman umiyak si baby sa kabilang upuan.. sabay naging polluted na naman ang hangin.. kainis!..

12-13hrs akong gising.. buong byahe ko din hawak ang ilong ko.. at sa pakiramdam ko lumulutang utak ko dahil sa walang tulog..

Frankfurt-Prague
medyo ok ang flight na 'to.. dito ako nakakuha ng aisle seat at wala din ako katabi.. masarap sana matulog pero eto din ang shortest travel time ko (1hr).. (oo, "nyek!" talaga)..

hay naku.. ang buhay talaga, kapag minalas ka nga naman..

(pahabol: ang mga dambuhalang katabi ko, mga sugapa din sa arm rest.. kung mainit lang siguro sa loob ng eroplano, pawisan na kili kili ko sa sobrang ipit ng braso ko!.. bwisit!)

strike two

2005-04-05T03:03:00.000+08:00

the start of this year was one hell of a game.. i already hit two strikes in just four months.. imagine that!.. one more strike and seems like i'm out of the game...

STRIKE 1:
The Little Prince said, "it is the time that you have wasted for your rose [someone] that makes your rose [someone] so important".. and he really is.. my complementary.. my strength.. my happiness.. he who acquainted me to myself --- the one i've never known.. but then, reality bites.. time to go on separate ways.. everything has ended and i started recuperating..

STRIKE 2:
i came from a great ancestry where life's lessons are not read but experienced.. and my grandmother is the main character.. she always relay the same old script everytime we talk to her.. sign of old age.. but then i was thankful for that.. always doing things for us, our super hero.. she played with me in spite of the weak knees.. smiled at me through a weary wrinkled face.. cooked for me even with a bland taste.. and then unexpectedly, she was gone.. leaving me in a large debt for not paying her a visit for a long time.. but as kind as she always is, i was given a last chance to pay my debt.. and that's when i say my farewell and rest her in her grave..

it's only the first quarter of the year.. and it had been a bittersweet beginning.. lot of things will still be crossing my path.. might be bitter, might be sweet.. but then i realized that the only shortcut to this sorrowful emotion is through the miracle of acceptance.. and it doesn't matter how many strikes i make, i wouldn't be out of the league.. the more strikes, the more lessons learned.. and i think that's how the game of life goes..

(add to that bitter experience is Pope John Paul II's death.. i’m not a religious devotee, but i do acknowledge his endeavor to make this world a better place)

scarred

2005-03-30T16:10:00.000+08:00

There's an urge for me to share this. Here's a conversation that takes place between a man and God, and what he said expresses the feelings of a lot of people. It's deep, meaningful and worth reading.

SCARRED PEOPLE ARE BEAUTIFUL
- Charles Cooke

"I've seen a number of movies lately, Lord, like Romeo and Juliet. The love of young people, at least in these movies, is beautiful.. so simple.. so total.. so uncomplicated. They seem so natural, so free in their feelings, I wish I could be like that Lord. But I can't be. I've been hurt, Lord. I have trusted and been betrayed at times. I have loved and received nothing in return. I have tried hard to care and failed -- often. I have shared my secrets and heard them whispered to others. I have asked forgiveness and heard no response. I have been warm and received a cold shoulder. I've been through it, Lord. I've fallen on my face. I've banged my shins. I've been bruised. Look Lord, I'm all covered with scars."

And then the Lord speaks: "Maybe you haven't understood enough. Maybe you haven't learned that human life is like that. All saints are scarred. Young love isn't the highest form of human love. The greatest love comes from scarred people. I know that many people stop loving so they won't be hurt again, but those people who do start over again, who continue in spite of all, who leave themselves open to the possibility of being hurt again, these people are able to love in a deeper way, a more understanding way, a richer way..."

The man ponders the words of God and says, "I think I know what you mean, Lord. I've met people like that -- and knowing them gives me courage. The great people are those who continue to love with all their scars. I like scarred people, Lord. They are beautiful..."

lasing

2005-03-29T23:38:00.000+08:00

nakilala kita almost six years ago.. sa kasamaang palad, dahil pa sa y---.. ang bait mo pa nun, nde kita masyadong close pero sustentado mo bisyo ko.. lakas ko manghingi kahit takot ako syo.. palibhasa ang strong ng personality mo.. nakakaintimidate.. parang ang tapang.. ang bagsik pa ng mata mo kapag nde ka ngumingiti.. nasayang tuloy ang mga dimples mo!

may sarili kang circle of friends.. mga coño pa tingin ko sa inyo nun.. nakatapos kase sa kilalang paaralan.. feeling ko, kayo yun mga cool.. taas ng mga self-confidence..

napansin ko may pagkamaingay ka din pala.. palagi ka napapansin ng mga trainor natin.. kung nde ka maingay, posibleng tulog ka.. at kesehodang ilista ka pa ng principal, wala kang pake!.. basta tutulog ka kung gusto mo.. tigasin ka talaga!..

naku!.. after ilang months, y---mate na kita.. ang tambayan sa veranda.. nagiging close na tayo.. ok ka din naman pala, basta wag lang gagalitin.. gimik dito, gimik dun.. bilyaran, sinehan, bars, kapihan at kung san san pa nakarating mga paa natin.. masaya ka talaga kasama..

minsan lasing ako sa problema sa mundo.. pero dun ako nabilib syo.. dahil kahit lasing na lasing ka na din, sinasalo mo pa tagay ko.. kaya lalo tayong naging close.. halos pamilya na kita, kapag wala pamilya ko.. kulang na lang ampunin mo ko..

kapag nasa ibang lupalop ng mundo, nde mo ko pinapabayaan.. lagi mo ko sinasamahan, kahit san.. sa pagkain, sa pasyalan, sa pagtulog.. ang loko mo pa, kase baka mawala ako.. pero ang totoo, deep inside andun yun concern at love mo.. hanggang ngayon wala kang kupas.. ganyan pa din ang treatment mo.. nde ka nagsasawa sa role mo sa buhay ko..

haaay.. ang biiiliiis talaga ng panahon.. halos anim na taon.. madaming nangyari sa 'tin.. iyakan, tawanan, galit, pagod, hirap, tampuhan, kulitan.. masyadong makulay ang ating pinagsamahan.. pero sana nde pa 'to ang katapusan.. sana sa susunod na yugto ng buhay natin, gagawin pa natin mas makulay ang lahat..

hay naku.. mamimiss talaga kita.. ngayon may sarili ka ng mundo.. nasa piling ng anak at asawa mo.. pero palagi mo tandaan, andito pa din ako para sumalo ng tagay mo..

(miss you gail and best wishes - 3/30/2005)

repentance

2005-03-25T18:43:00.000+08:00

my 47 days is almost over... it started from ash wednesday to easter sunday.. and im looking forward to it.. no pork, beef nor chicken.. im not a vegetarian.. seafood would do.. but will you grab one in a country with no ocean?!?.. yup, i did.. have no choice.. munched it scrumptiously while dismissing the idea of its staleness.. ewwww!..

being a pasta lover, it's a blessing to be in europe.. is it really?!?.. hmm.. err.. not at this time.. i always have to fight back the temptations.. its a hard-fought battle.. thinking fillet-o-fish as chicken sandwich, shrimp-flavored cup noodles as scampi pasta, pizza without the toppings, fried rice without the chicken bits.. grr!...

add to that, a series of explanations.. was asked why i do this thing.. its purpose, its reason.. as much as i want to explain it clearly, i wasn't able to.. and this lead to more questioning.. and a feeling of being misunderstood.. *sigh*

this lenten season is tougher than the previous year.. back home you get more choices (and more serving of understanding and respect), not home gives you more adjustments..

the thing is, i don't feel sorry for myself.. not even a trace of regret.. in spite of this sacrifice, there's a sense of lightness in me.. guilt trips have been uplifted.. tranquility starts to encompass my being..

call it crazy, but that's how i repent my sins...

(fasting and abstinence is a catholic practice every lenten season.. i only do abstinence... fasting happens to me almost everyday)

my awakening

2005-03-23T20:46:00.000+08:00

the time has come in my life when i finally get it... in the midst of all my tears, insanity and breakdown i was startled from the voice somewhere inside my head crying out - ENOUGH! enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on...

i realized that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for the unchangeable to change, for the long lost happiness to come... i came to terms with the fact that i am not his Cinderella and that in the verdict of reality any guarantee of "happily ever after" is not visible on my tracks and just hope for that sense of acceptance to inched through me...

i was awaken by the fact that i am not perfect for him and that she will NEVER appreciate or approve of who or what i am... and that should be OK... she is entitled to her own views and opinions anyway...

i should learn the importance of loving and that i have to start within for in the end it would bring back the sense of confidence that i've lost for years...

i will stop complaining and blaming him for the things he did to me or didn't do for me... i've learned that he don't always say what he means or mean what he says and that he will not always be there for me and that for him it's not always about me...

i should learn to stand on my own and to take care of myself and head for that road called self-reliance... i would stop judging and pointing fingers and begin to accept him as he is and to overlook his shortcomings and frailties to have that sense of peace i've been longing and forgiveness would take its place...

i've learned and admit that i don't know everything and it's not my job to save nor rescue him from the impudent judgement thrown at him by the critics on the side in this game called life...

i must learn the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say a "meaningful" NO even the devil inside insist me to say YES...

i've learned that unconditional love does really exist but doesn't give you a fairy tale ending.. and that being a martyr doesn't always come with great appreciation...

i've learned the truest sense of loving and how much to give in it... and eventually, to learn when to stop giving and when to walk away...

i should learn to look at the relationship as my past and stop attempting to change it as i would have want it to be... for the past has been long gone and "that history" would not repeat itself...

i've learned that just as people change so it is with love... and i've learned that i don't have the right to demand love on my terms just to make me happy but to find happiness in the uniqueness of love poured on me..

i've learned, that for the most part, love isn't always fair... i don't always get what i think i deserve and that sometimes bad things happen unexpectedly... it's just life's way of teaching me...

i've learned that negative feelings such as anger, jealousy and resentment must be redirected or they will smother the life out of me and defile the universe that surrounds me...

i should learn to admit when i am wrong for it will give me freedom from anxieties and that the apology that comes with it will never make less of me...

my sobs begin to subside, i blinked back my tears and through the layers of wet lashes i tried to look at the new horizon... this is my awakening...

(apologies to that little innocent bathroom tile for my being a masochist)

lantang gulay

2005-03-22T17:34:00.000+08:00

alam nyo ba yun feeling na ganyan, na parang lantang gulay?!? na paggising mo sa umaga parang pagod na pagod ka?!?.. super bigat ng feeling na parang you'll get sick.. that's how i feel since yesterday, take note yesterday is just monday.. first day of the week, first day of work.. i have to drag myself out of bed to prepare for work.. it's been a tough week (or month/s).. like i said, i don't work in a call center pero last weekend i have to work.. can't be called a workaholic.. there's a difference between "required to" and "urge to"..

i've read a lot of articles about loving/enjoying your job.. pero kung iisipin mo di din ganun kadali (kelangan yata i-force).. though, on the bright side of life, kelangan mo din maging grateful kase you have a job.. mga tao talaga, ang hirap i-please...

"work is a slice of life, it's not the entire pizza" ...

novice

2005-03-21T22:34:00.000+08:00

eto pala ang blog na sinasabi.. uso daw ngayon eh.. salamat nga pala potpot sa pagintroduce ng trend na 'to.. magexperiment pa ko kung worthwhile nga ba gamitin 'to.. at least nde lang friendster ang pinagaaksayahan ko ng panahon ngayon habang binabayaran ako sa paghihintay ng error.. yep, ako po ay isang dakilang programmer... maghapong nakaharap sa monitor.. minsan kasama ang weekend, on-call pa yan.. i dont work in a call center, pero parang ganun din..

mabalik tayo sa blogger... eto ba ay parang online diary?!?.. kung oo, baket mo naman gugustuhin malaman ng tao ang laman ng utak mo?!?.. at kung ang sinusulat dito ay laman ng utak mo, pati ba yun mga "totoot" pwede sabihin?!?.. o may button ang admin nito na bigla na lang maglalaho ang blog mo kapag nde angkop sa madla ang sinasabi mo?!?.. kung meron, sana may warning muna..

sige, 'til next post..